Polygany blogs hit the mainstream

Ok, I admit it, I'm an avid reader of polygany blogs. Although I don't have time to watch soap operas, I'm thoroughly addicted to these online, real life muslim mini soaps that have unfolded in front of my very eyes over the past few years. I'll recount the tales to the husband, flaburgasted by what I read - OMG, guess what happened to HA this time?

The husband then takes the opportunity to make polygany jokes, to which I remind him that he's certainly allowed to have more than one wife - I just won't be one of them. And, as always, he smiles, hugs me and tells me that one wife is headache enough. It's a long running joke between us, although I do have a clause in my marriage contract that gives me the right to an excellent settlement and divorce if he decides down the road to become polyganous. We continue to have serious, deen-y talks about the subject, exploring hypotheticals, but at this point in my life and most likely in the future, I'll stick to monogamy.


Now, polygany blogs have lept from the shadows and landed in the mainstream media, or at least at Slate.com. Polyganous Blessings is on my CW (cowife) blog roll, although she rarely updates it anymore. There have been several CW bloggers, but unfortunately, most don't write for very long. HA and Safa update much more regularly, and I've laughed and cried along with them on their journeys down the bumpy road of polygany. There are other CW (and ex CW) blogs out there that are accessable through the spiderweb of blogrolls, but HA and Safa are definately the cream of the crop.

When an intercultural marriage goes horribly wrong

Why Molly ran

When 12-year-old Molly Campbell disappeared from her Scottish home last year, it was feared she had been kidnapped by her father to be married against her will in Pakistan. But, like her name, the truth wasn't quite as it seemed. Cathy Scott-Clark and Adrian Levy report

I've been following the Misbah/Molly story on and off for quite some time now, and this article definately provides a lot of much needed background.

But even more than being the sad story of a broken family, it speaks of the difficulties that intercultural/interfaith couples face. This marriage started out between a nominal christian/secular young white british girl, and a nominal muslim/secular young pakistani british man. Where as the usual m.o. is that the husband will practice more and become more conservative as he grows older, in this case the wife feels drawn to Islam. Maybe it was a way to feel connected to and accepted by her husband's family and culture, but for whatever reason, her embrace of Islam draws her husband back to practicing the faith. While I can't tell for sure what was going on in her mind from the article, it seemed like she longed for acceptance, but didn't really have Islam in her heart. Islam can seem oppresive if you don't embrace it with all your heart, and from the article, it looks like Louise was crushed by it.

Women who embrace Islam through their relationship/marriage with a muslim man are often subjects of suspicion. Did they convert because their husbands influenced them? How will their faith hold up if things go south with their husbands? Heck, even those who were muslim before marriage are still viewed under a cloud of suspicion. Alhamdulilah, I've seen women become increadbly devout in their practices, content with Islam as a way of life. And unfortunately, I've seen women be crushed far too often for my liking.

When an american woman marries a muslim man, she will inevitably be told to watch Not Without my Daughter. We roll our eyes, sigh and try to change the subject. We're intellegent, independent, and think we know what we're getting ourselves into. Unfortunately, we often times don't.

So, I propose that american women who want to marry muslim men read this article. We've all heard the nasty things muslim men can do to western women. But how often do we examine ourselves and ponder on the problems our issues may create? Here now is an (extreme) example of what western women can do to themselves if they're not prepared for an intercultural/interfaith relationship. inshaAllah ta'ala, nothing like this will befall myself or any of my friends in similar situations, but one never knows



Also, on a random side note, either Louise or the article messed up a wee bit on the hajj thing. Hajj isn't during Ramadan. You don't (have to) fast during hajj. Maybe they made umrah during Ramadan, but umrah ain't hajj.